Immortal Flower
by Azrabell
Summary: But his face is smooth and human and it doesn’t give away his secrets. 'I’m already dead aren’t I; dead inside and out.' Beautifully twisted love. SpikeBuffy Au One Shot.


Summary: Au. S/Buffy What if Angel never entered the picture? What if Spike isBuffy's first tenative love?  
As always when Spike is involved there will be alcohol, minor Angel-bashing and twisted love! One Shot

Disclaimer: This is all mine..except for the stuff thats not

**_Immortal Flower_**

He's lost for a moment, in the fuzzy feeling that encompasses him; the warm embrace of alcohol.

"That smell……. your neck." He leans in, angling his body so he can absorb the heady fragrance.

It's a pure aroma, untainted by chemicals and artificial perfume.

It belonged to her alone, mingling on her pale skin, and in her blonde hair. No man had claimed her yet, she could be his alone.

"I haven't had a woman in months, unless you count that shopkeeper." He said, and fear tangles itself in her scent.

He's aroused; how temptingly innocent she was. It could be nice and slow, he'd like that.

He'd show her how good he was, how good it could be. And he's hungry for it, desiring the contact of flesh on flesh.

And then he could press his lips against her pulse. It would be a sweet kiss, gentle and almost chaste after their impassioned love making.

Then, his fangs would penetrate her and he could drown in her warm blood. And he would make a cut on his wrist and carefully feed her his blood.

She would know no other man. He would dominate the little flower, his immortal little flower.

But the world slips away from him just a little. He remembers Dru, who was never his at all.

She always belonged to Angel, and didn't he know that? Couldn't he smell his scent on her?

The blonde, she's talking now, but he barely hears a word. He stands up and pretends its all okay.

And then the world slips back under his feet, and he knows what to do.

He takes her hand in his and pulls her up the stairs. He growls impatiently and pushes her roughly into the car.

It smells like smoke and tequila. The music he turns on is loud and rock and roll, his favorite.

And he closes his eyes for a moment, relaxing. This is familiar, comfortable and he needs it.

He feels her eyes on him, and he can smell her fear lessening. Reluctantly he sighs and puts the car in drive. H

e wants to drive forever, until the pain stop but he knows the gas tank is a quarter full. It would do for tonight.

He drives up to the cemetery, wanting the quiet and peace it would give.

She sits next to him on the grass and they look up at the moon. She waits for him, and he waits for the strength.

The words are there in his mouth, heavy and painful, choking him. "You know, it was never Drusilla that loved me.

I loved her, but she couldn't you know? She only wanted Angel. That bloody prick… What's wrong with me then?

Why can't anyone love me eh? Why?" He trails off because he doesn't have an answer.

When she speaks again he's startled, he almost forgot she sat with him.

"How could they?" She asks, and he feels no anger only the bitter acceptance of the truth.

But she isn't done speaking yet. "You never gave yourself the chance to be loved Spike.

All your time was spent on a woman that didn't love you. When you let go of her, she'll still haunt you... but you'll be able to move on."

He looks up at her and his eyes are bright, she's given him hope. He leans in and kisses her gently, withdrawing before it scares her.

And he's surprised to feel the soft warmth of her lips pressed against him again.

He awoke something inside of her. She burns with the same need to be loved, to feel, to taste its overwhelming power.

The kiss is deeper now and her body is moving against him. He curls around her, gently nibbling on her neck, and she surprises him with a moan.

He pulls back from her, his eyes dark and shadowed wit a new pain a fresh one. "I can't do this with you, you want it, but you don't want me."

And she's silent, she can't speak, there's a feeling inside her she's never known before.

"I'm sorry." She says. "No, don't be sorry, be with me. At least until the sun comes up."

And he can't take back the words now that he's said them. "The sun… You'll die!" She says to him, turning quickly so she can see his face.

But his face is smooth and human and it doesn't give away his secrets. "I'm already dead aren't I, dead inside and out."

"You don't have to do this!" She cries out to him. But he won't hear her pleas, so she just sits in companionable silence.

He does all the talking at first, about his life how he was turned, his mother, his Drusilla,

the slayers he killed and the pain that he never named before. He remembers the smell of a rose and the feel of the moon on his skin.

His words are poetry filling up the night with their beauty. He hums a song to which the words he had long forgotten.

And she listens and dreams of the world he describes. And when he can't continue any longer she begins talk.

She remembers jokes, and teachers, school trips and dreams. Her best friends Willow and Xander and the things they shared.

She fills his mind with her humanity. She recalls the adrenaline rush of battle. And then she speaks of her sadness,

her despair that the only one she really loved could love anyone but her. And she shares her fear that she'll become a faded memory,

a forgotten legend. He was silent; awed that anyone could feel such as he did.

And she did suffer, quietly and secretly, so no one would know.

"You don't deserve that, nobody deserves that." He murmured. She looked up at him and smiled.

"Maybe not, but there's not much we can do about it anyways." She cast a nervous glance to the sky and begged the moon to stay.

"Why do you care about me eh? I'm just some sodding vampire that you're supposed to kill anyways.

Why are you still here? What are you playing at?" He growls. Her blue eyes open wider in surprise and hurt.

She was angry too, she had shared her secrets with him and now he was pushing her away.

She stood and ignored the single tear that slipped out of the corner of her eye.

He reached up and slipped his hand into hers. "Don't go yet love," He said regretting his anger.

"Stay a while, the suns nearly come." And he was crying too, crying for his pain, and hers, crying for a world of suffering that never ceased.

She sits back down besides him and wraps her arms around him leaning her head gently on her shoulder.

He tensed for a moment, breathing in slowly trying to regain composure. He took comfort in her warm body and her tantalizing scent.

The sky was dark above them and the stars still shone, but their brilliance began to fade.

It must have been nearly five in the morning and the sun would be coming soon.

He kissed the center of her blonde hair and thanked her silently for staying with him. "Let's go." She whispered into his ear.

"Let's leave this place, you and me Spike." She continued hugging him closer. "We don't have to stay here in Sunny Dale.

We can find someplace were we belong." He stiffened again and would have shoved her away, but he needed the comfort of her arms.

"Don't talk like that, you stupid bint. I know you don't feel that for me. I don't want your lies." He says, but his voice is soft and bitter and she takes no offense.

She tries to convince him of her sincerity. "I'm weak and you can make me feel strong. I know that with you I'll be loved and safe.

We can give each other what we need." He looks away from her upturned face, his heart clenched in hope.

"You couldn't live without the sun, or your friends." He dismisses her words again.

"Make me like you;" She whispers to him. "I'll need nothing else but your love." He looks down at her, and she's smiling, secure in her decision.

He pulls her up and into a kiss, the hunger and need controlling them both. He moves down to her neck bites with his fangs. S

he moans in pleasure as he laps up the blood greedily. Then he slits his wrist so that the crimson blood can flow freely.

He raises his bleeding wrist to her mouth and she drinks deeply.

He strokes her face gently as her eyes start to close. "When you wake up I'll be with you love." He murmurs.

He realizes that he no longer wants to dominate her, only to protect her. He wants to give her the love she needs, the love she's worthy of.

The sky is pale now, and the sun is fighting to rise above the clouds and start a new day. "I'll protect you" He sighs into her ear and holds her tightly.

"We'll be safe and warm, and never sad again, never alone." He whispers just as the sun breaks free of the clouds.

He lays one final kiss on her pale lips, before the flames devoured them both.


End file.
